Taming Thumos: Real Men, Real Conversations
Taming Thumos: Real Men, Real Conversations
Learning to drink tea with the Devil
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Learning to drink tea with the Devil

A conversation with Alain Sauvage

My guest for this episode is Alain Sauvage. I first met Alain through a men’s group I co-facilitated here on the Sunshine Coast. He is a former school teacher and principal, and today, he serves as a grandfather and mentor. At 70, he is an avid surfer and active member of the community.

Scroll down if you’d like to watch the conversation or if you’re listening on Spotify please visit the Substack page here.


Key points from the episode

Alain recounts his early childhood in Kenya, living in a house of local materials where lions and hippos were part of the neighborhood. Despite the idyllic memories of an African nanny and camping under the stars, his family’s move to Perth in the 1960s sparked a lifelong struggle with belonging. As a "third culture" immigrant with French parents who didn't quite fit the Anglo-Saxon mold nor the Italian "wog" groups at school, Alain often felt like an outsider.

The conversation dives deep into Alain’s evolving understanding of masculinity and faith. He describes a spiritual journey that moved from traditional Catholic belief to a mystical, “Desert Father” style of prayer centered on the silence between thoughts. For Alain, spirituality is not a Sunday activity but a “unitive experience” that connects him to the earth, with all beings and the Aboriginal spirit.

A central theme of the episode is Alain’s experience with rheumatoid arthritis. He offers a powerful metaphor for dealing with debilitating pain: instead of fighting it, he invites the “devil” in for tea. Alain argues that the language of “fighting” illness is unhelpful because it targets a part of oneself.

“I started then to make peace with my body and to say… have a cup of tea with my pain and say, 'oh, you’re going to hang around today, aren't you? All right, how are we going to dance? Let's dance together.”

Now serving as a grandfather and mentor, Alain reflects on the transition from the “cocky 30-year-old” who thought he knew everything to a community elder who realizes he knows less now than ever. He shares the gentle advice he gives his grandchildren: persist, believe in your own beauty, and don’t let the hooks of social media get under your skin.

Alain’s story is a reminder that while we cannot control the upheaval of life or the limitations of our bodies, we can choose how we dance with them.


I hope you enjoyed that episode with Alain! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

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